Siblings

Thinking about what it means and the implications of being a big brother.

Two brothers at a waterfall in the Grand Tetons in July 2017.

Words from the Wise

“When you deal with your brother, be pleasent—but get a witness.”

Hesiod, Works and Days

Useful Trivia

According to Census data from 2022, 80% of children under the age of 18 in the United States have a sibling. Predictably, siblings spend more time with each other than with any other person besides their parents (roughly 33% of free time before the age of 11 is spent with a sibling).

Having a sibling lowers the odds of divorce and obesity and may result in fewer allergies (for the younger sibling). Older siblings are typically smarter, though younger siblings are more likely to take risks.

National Sibling Day is celebrated annually on April 10.

For Your Ears and Eyes

Mull it Over

My brother was in town this weekend. It was his third trip since Elio was born last September, and despite that, it still felt too short, with too long of a gap in between.

As boys, we were as close as any siblings who grew up in the same house with no cousins around to play with. Until sixth or seventh grade, we rode bikes to the park and played everything from stickball (a two-person version, in which one of us threw rocks the other tried to bat away with a PVC pipe) to street hockey with the neighborhood kids. We stayed up late talking about aliens and other nonsense in the small bedroom I can't believe my parents fit two twin beds into. Once, in the Poconos, I saved him from drowning. He told Haley this story over the weekend, how he'd been trying to stay up on his tippy-toes, the lifeguards oblivious while flirting 20 feet away. I heard him struggling, swam over and pulled him to safety.

But in adolescence, we drifted apart, with different friend groups, tastes in music, and visions for our adult lives. I excelled in school and did everything to please my parents, grandparents, and teachers until I could graduate and leave Bayonne forever. He was happier there, embodying the Frank Sinatra mantra of doing things his own way. His rebellion came in the form of tattoos, motorcycles, and leaving the dinner table in the middle of one of Nono's rants to watch TV alone in the bedroom; my worst sin was becoming a Christian and going to church every Sunday.